Schutzhund Quotes

Q. Have you noticed that a lot of German shepherd people are going to Malinois?
A. Yes. I call it evolution.
-Michael Ellis

"Platz 'im on the Autobahn."
Franz Dörr

"Patience is the Virtue to Success."
Wolfgang Groß, ca. 1986
 

 

SCHUTZHUND BARBIE
The rarest of the "Dog Series" of Barbies, SchH Barbie frequently must be imported from Germany, Belgium, or the Czech Republic. Although the European countries will give you a quote on the cost of shipping SchH Barbie to the US, you can reasonably expect the cost upon arrival to be roughly 30-60% higher. It may be cheaper to fly to Eurpoe and bring SchH Barbie back yourself. Unlike most Barbies, SchH Barbie will only have from 6-9 complete fingers from baiting dogs while in high prey drive. From doing agitation, SchH Barbie will also have amazing biceps and callouses on her hands & the small of her back from repeated long line burns. All SchH Barbies come with USA or DVG rule book, maps & directions to every Verein	within 500 miles, leather gloves, tracking lines, tie-out lines, stainless steel fursaver collar, pinch collar, agitation collar, jute roll, 87 tennis balls on different lengths of nylon cord, and a year's supply of liver. Additionally, SchH Barbie will come with a soft sleeve, dumbbells, and an expression that asks, "How did I ever get sucked into this?". SchH 2 Barbie comes with a hard sleeve, dumbbells, Ray Allen dog harness, and the sheer will to suck it up and go for the 3. SchH 3 Barbie has a smug, self-satisfied grin along with all of the previously mentioned equipment. Do not be surprised by the thick skin, especially on the back of the neck, of the SchH Barbies. This is from Training Director Ken breathing hot air down the back of her neck.	Some SchH Barbies (especially the SchH 1 and 2s) may also burst into tears spontaneously at the sight of Training Director Ken and/or pull out chunks of their hair. SchH Barbie comes with your choice of dog: GSD, Rottie, Dobe, Malinois, or Giant Schnauzer. Other breeds are available but SchH Barbie will never win anything with them. Strong nerve is extra. At the time of purchase, please request English, or German SchH Barbie. Other languages occasionally available. A-Frame, jump, and blinds must be purchased separately. Seiger, HIT, FH, AD, and V-ratings much, much extra and not always available, no matter how badly she wants it.
By Martha Burton. Martha trains with the St. Croix Valley SchH Verein in Wisconsin, where she works her 18 month dobe, Gunther.

DALMATIANS A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.   The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.   "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."   A third child brought the argument to a close.   "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant!"

Blonde Joke A blonde returns home in the afternoon to find her house has been broken into and the place ransacked. She calls the cops — and is standing on the front porch, wringing her hands, when a K9 officer arrives with his dog. "Now I KNOW this is the worst day of my life!" she wails. "First my house is burglarized and then they send me a BLIND cop!"

A Talking Dog Story A guy toddles into the bar with his mutt at his side and says to the barkeep, "My dog here is the smartest dog ever was, and he can talk!" The bartender says, "Getoutahere...dogs can't talk." The guys says, "I'll prove it to you for a drink." "OK, you're on.", says the man behind the bar. The guy looks down at the dog...."What grows under a tree?" "ROOT!" The guy says, "There you have it! Give me that drink." "Not so fast", says the barkeep..."that's just a dog making sounds...he ain't talkin'." "OK...How's about this then....", looks down at the dog again and says, "What's over a house?" "ROOF!" There's steam startin' to come out of the bartender's ears and he says, "Don't get me mad...you are taking advantage of my good nature." "Allright...allright", says the drunk, "don't get upset...give me one more chance to prove to you how smart my dog is and show you he can talk." "OK, dog...", says the drunk. "who was the greatest ballplayer of all-time?" "RUTH!" With that the bartender grabs the drunk by the seat of the pants and tosses him and the dog right out the door and into the gutter. The drunk is brushing off the dust when his dog looks up at him and says, "DiMaggio?".

Obedience Trial (Author currently Unknown)

Satan entered a large building where a dog show was being held. Everyone, upon seeing the devil, ran screaming from the building. The only person left inside was a gray-headed gentleman seated down by the obedience ring. The evil incarnate spoke to the man saying “Do you know who I am?”

“Sure do” was the old man’s reply.

Hearing that there was no fear in this voice the devil asked “Do you know that I could destroy you with a word?”.

“Possible” stated the Old Timer.

Becoming quite perturbed at the total lack of terror, the devil screamed “I COULD BANISH YOU TO HELL FOR ETERNITY OLD MAN, WHY DO YOU NOT FEAR ME??????”

Unshaken, the man replied “I’ve shown dogs for forty years, I’ve gotten obedience titles on no less than a dozen dogs. I’m pretty sure that at least three of them were your children.”